Why does nobody email me anything meaningful anymore? I suppose it is the embodiment of modern society that everyone is “too busy” to sit down and type a simple email, but a few years ago it was all the rage. Now, I’m sure somebody would much rather send some useless tweet or look at my Facebook profile. Well I’m having none of it – if somebody tweets me, it’s usually no more exciting than to tell me that ASOS are having a sale on poorly made, unfashionable, own-brand “clothes”.
I’m sick and tired of going through my inbox every morning, like a fox through a bin, sifting out all the useless mail my spam filter has failed to screen, searching for that golden nugget. I want a personal email, not some generic, mass marketing public email sent to everyone who was stupid enough to put their name on the mailing list. It seems that even if you do not wish to receive these sad, pointless emails, they will send them to you anyway. I have no choice in the matter.
And then, of course, there are the companies you signed up to that promised not to pass on your details to anybody… anybody that is, except their “specially selected partners”. This is just a euphemism for the ‘highest bidder’ – stuck in the middle of a bidding war, my details are shipped to unheard of companies all over the world and the marketing emails follow soon after: a sale on this, savings on that, a Jaguar for 50p. ‘Wait a minute!’ I hear you say: ‘a Jaguar for 50p?’ With a second glance you realise your mistake… it’s Jagermeister: 50p. If I had wanted to buy some cheap booze for chavs I would have said so. I didn’t.
Then there are the semi-spam emails. The personalised piffle one feels forced to read, just because a name has been shoehorned in. Essentially, it’s the same crap but with an ounce of customer service. Hours could be spent reading all of these “important” emails in an inbox, especially is one is liberal with one’s email address. Then there is the endless stream of order confirmation emails, reminding you of former bad decisions/previous purchases; items that, on reflection, weren’t such good value and you would much rather forget.
The only emails I am interested in receiving are those carrying joyous information: a story, a lottery win or a job offer. Feel free to email me… oh no, wait, don’t bother.
Image credit – Janice Ian