After some intensive journalistic research, Jo Boon and Natalie Clark have uncovered the truth about the sex positions each of our halls represent. Having compiled all the data, this is the definitive list of our university accommodations sex positions. 

Disclaimer: Do not read if easily offended. Research is ongoing so feedback welcome.


 

DRA: Wheelbarrow

This hall and position are equally difficult to get to, but boy are they worth the wait. Maximum effort but also maximum pleasure if you can make it work. Students living in DRA are not about the compromise. 

ABH: Reverse cowgirl

Lets be real, this is just a very basic position… in reverse. Stop trying to be edgy ABH! You are always going to be New Hall (cowgirl) and no amount of re- branding is really going to change that.

Sallies: Edge of heaven

Renowned for being posh, this straight backed, edge of your chair position fits right into the Sallies lifestyle. The hall is so glamorous, you really are only one step away from heaven. 

Melville: Missionary

If you’re in this position, or hall, the relationship is essentially dead. Basic, boring, broken… you gotta get out of there! 

Fife Park: Kneeling fox

For those of you who don’t know, this position is essentially a very lazy doggy style. Pretty fun to be fair but really all you have the energy for after making the trek out there.

Regs: The man trap

People just don’t seem to leave this hall! Does it feel great? Are you just trapped? You committed to getting in and can’t face leaving? Who’s to say. 

Uni Hall: The Good Spread

Right in the middle of everywhere, this hall is placed a good spread from pretty much anywhere else. You have to be pretty athletic to even be in this position though, so thank goodness you’re placed close to the gym. 

Albany Park: The Squat

It’s not even that it’s bad, but it just doesn’t look great. Really no one looks good in this position and you’re all squashed in together. 

JBH: 69

This small but very friendly hall does not discriminate. Anything goes in JBH and all you have to be prepared for is being ‘yipped’ out of the room by your enthusiastic friends. If you haven’t experienced any ‘yipping’ in JBH yet, more sex is recommended.

Jo Boon and Natalie Clark

Image courtesy of Pixabay.