It’s 2018, and yet there is still a stigma against the culture of a girl making the first move with a guy. Naturally, for both sexes, it’s daunting to bare your emotions when you’re unsure of what the response will be. But why do we expect the male party to take those first steps? I know I do, and until recently, I wouldn’t have dreamt of putting myself in the position of asking a guy out before he’d asked me. So why do we have this stigma?
Personally, I had always firmly believed the guy should make the first move because I was always told not to chase. Chasing was unattractive because men don’t want girls who are too ‘easy’. This idea that the woman must be aloof and unavailable to be attractive seems so outdated now, we feel the same emotions and need for a partner as any human, so we should be able to make that first move. The social science says that playing hard to get can work, but it seems a shame that that’s how the game must be played. I want to tell someone how I feel because not doing so feels like more work.
Pop culture doesn’t help. All those girl bands who preach about making the guy work for it etc. I love those songs, but they don’t prepare you for when you need to bite the bullet and confess your feelings. I wouldn’t go so far as to suggest it’s anti-feminist to promote the pedestalled version of ourselves. This isn’t the age of Shakespearean Sonnets, though they were most likely written to a man anyway. Times have moved on and, I like to think, we live in an age where something as simple as a girl walking up to a guy in a coffee shop asking him out, isn’t a big issue.
Of course, we can always argue that if they like you in the same way then they’ll make the first move. But what if they’re thinking that too? There seems to be an assumption that men don’t think like the same as women in these cases but believe me, they do. I have conducted research into this area and my more apprehensive male friends would love for the girl to make the first move; some would even find it attractive.
Rejection and embarrassment make holds me back from confessing my feelings. I have a fear that once they know, whatever kind of relationship you had before is lost. But on the other hand, I don’t want to regret missing an opportunity if I had told them. There’s always that small glimmer of hope that maybe it’s an opportunity for something good. Maybe, just maybe, he feels the same way or he’s willing to try.
Putting tradition and the sexual politics to the side, it’s exhausting playing the game of will-they-won’t-they with someone. Having been through the torment of this myself, I’ve decided it’s easier to be honest and tell the other person how you feel. Even if you don’t get the answer you wanted, at least you know. Rejection is likely, but it is a risk we should take.