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Ahhhh......Tiscali.  


How that cheerful sounding name leaps off the tongue, promising something better. Something preferred.  A company with a bright face and an open-eyed assurance of how they offer talk, broadband and TV with better value and greater efficiency.  


So you are thinking: 'Right. Tiscali is on the ball. They have got their finger on the pulse of the telecommunication consumer consensus. They can identify with the loathing and frustration emanating from every phone in every customer service call center that bears the monstrous moniker of BT".  


The manipulative and merciless image of that former government-instituted monopoly stretches back donkey's years, to when the frugal caller dared not pick up the receiver during peak calling times for fear of the per-minute charges. This was before the time of Generation Y. However, your parents will remember the days when every telephone line was a BT line. Apparently, Tiscali remembers the pre- Thatcher era as well with "Stop Paying BT" plastered on their website.        


In this day and age, there is no more meaningful turning point for a university student when settling into a new flat than 'going live and on-line'. Like so many other students, I was on the hunt this September for  not just any telephone and broadband supplier, I was looking for Value. Not just your average unlimited, high speed package, but a dirt cheap tariff with international weekend calls for free. After putting in my hours at the Library comparing contracts, I happened upon what seemed like a mirage of an offer. £9.99 for the first three months, £14.99 thereafter plus an £8.25 per month fee for the telephone line rental. Perfect. The only snag was that I needed to have my telephone reactivated for a one-time fee of £99.00. According to BT, the line had been inactive for over a year and a half. I subsequently gathered from sources, that the previous tenants used an unencrypted wireless network within range and therefore didn't bother reconnecting it. Hey, can you blame them? In this "Big Fish Eat Little Fish' world if you've got it, use it. 


To make a long story short, I ordered the package and the line reactivation. Two weeks later I received a complementary call asking how my services were working. They weren't. Logic told me to dial the home telephone number they assigned me, to see if it would ring. It did ring...and ring...and then a girl picked up the telephone. They had 'reactivated my neighbor's telephone line. 


Tiscali then told me the line had never been 'stopped'. It was still under BT's jurisdiction and therefore they hadn't been able to activate it on that basis. Only on the 15th of October did they become aware of this particular fact. Why would they reactivate a line that was already activated and proceed to charge me £99.00? Moreover, how could they activate my neighbors already activated BT line by mistake, if they can't touch BT lines that aren't 'stopped'. It will not surprise you that Tiscali doesn't have an in-house logician on the payroll, and therefore my quite logical questions escaped explanation. 


After a long and arduous month of contact they now are starting the process of rectifying their initial mistake of line crossing and work to finally reactivate my line.  A foundational flaw in the Tiscali system is that as a customer, you can never be sure you are dialing the same customer service call center. If you want to speak to Manager X that you have spoken to previously, they will most likely tell you there is no Manager X where they are and there is no way put you in contact with him either. No two managers have the same information about your case, that is if you can get past the bevy of first line representatives who will probably ask for you street address despite you supplying it, simply because they are prompted to do so by their computer screens. God forbid they receive information out of order. 


As I sit and type I look longingly at my brand new modem, lights blinking, at the ready with its sexy cordless Panasonic counterpart sitting erect on its base, both awaiting dial tones and networks.

Much as I would like to further illustrate my telecommunications trials and tribulations my verbal skills are detained elsewhere, as I continue to wage a war of twisted complaints and crossed lines. 


"You are progressing in our cue. You are now position one. All of our agents are currently busy."