The 5 Times Humanity Should Have Died Off, But Didn’t.
By Nicolette Damianou and Claire Bagnall
The end is nigh, apparently. It’s not just a new Armageddon themed film which you need to be worried about; the world, we are told, will end on 21st or 23rd December 2012 – so best save your Christmas shopping until the very last minute that year. The Mayan Long Count Calendar comes to an end then according to some readings - combine this with numbers, aliens, stars, rocks, myths, and this does, of course, result in either geomagnetic reversal, black hole alignment, or the Earth crashing into an alien planet, and cue the end of mankind – sigh.
In retrospect, I should be thanking Hollywood for all the hype “2012,” has caused; for a minute there, I forgot how gullible and ignorant society can be. So thank you, Hollywood, because apparently, now not only do we have to worry about unemployment, national debt, health care reform, climate change, disease, poverty, terrorism and war, but we also have to worry about the end of the world and humanity as we know it. Again.
Hollywood has taken the liberty to interpret the end of the Mayan Calendar as the Armageddon. According to USA Today, executive director of the Foundation for the Advancement of Mesoamerican Studies, Sandra Noble, stated, “For the ancient Maya, it was a huge celebration to make it to the end of a whole cycle…To render Dec. 21, 2012, as a doomsday or moment of cosmic shifting, she says, is a complete fabrication and a chance for a lot of people to cash in."
Be it through science or religion, the end of the world has been predicted since at least 2800 B.C, when the Assyrians feared the effects of corruption. Popes warned of Armageddon, and Botticelli painted it. There have been threats of floods, planets aligning and God coming to earth. Occasionally, the world has been severely shaken; if you were unlucky enough to live in London in 1666 – the year of the devil – then you would be forgiven for thinking that the Great Plague and the Great Fire were the beginning of some awful apocalypse. But are we really that gullible in modern society? Apparently.
If you’ve already stocked up several times on canned foods, jugs of water, built multiple earthquake-atomic bomb- and tornado proof forts, quit your job to “follow your dream,” had affairs and gone bungee jumping all in the time span of a week, hold your horses in the coming year - the 2012 doomsday is not the first apocalypse prediction, nor a very original one. Here are just a few - call them the “Top 5 Failed Apocalyptic Predictions:”
5. John Wesley – A brother of one of the founders of the Methodist Church, John Wesley, predicted that the end of the world would come in 1836, when the Great Beast would arrive on earth. Exactly what this Great Beast consisted of, no one knew. Needless to say, it never came.
4. The Great Disappointment – Based on the prophecies in the Book of Daniel, a Baptist minister named William Miller predicted the return of Jesus and the cleansing of the earth (thereby meaning the end of the world) sometime between March 21 1843-1844. Shockingly enough, the days arrived and passed, and humanity as was known still existed. The apocalyptic date was then later changed to October 22, 1844. When the world survived that date, Miller then corrected himself, explaining the apocalyptic date referred to an event in heaven, rather than earth. Wow.
3. 1910 Halley’s Comet – Noted as the first prediction with scientific backing, it was believed the May 18, 1910 passing of Halley’s comet was a threat to civilization because of its tail of poisonous gas.
2. Planetary Conjunction – Ironically and surprisingly, the “Planetary Conjunction” prediction came from respected meteorologist Albert Porta. According to Porta, on December 17, 1919, a “conjunction of six planets would cause a magnetic current that would pierce the sun, cause great explosions of flaming gas and eventually engulf the Earth.” Aside from this causing massive amount of mob violence and cases of suicide, Porta lost his job and any respect he had.
1. Y2K bug – The world as we knew it would end. Computers, due to programming, were incapable of understanding the year “00”. As a consequence all computers around the world would implode and systems ruled by them would collapse. We were told that, with warning systems down, a nuclear war could be started, or that dairy farm milking machines could malfunction. Either way, the results would be disastrous. Of course, midnight came and went, and life went on.
On a positive note, the predictions have become more specific, counting down to the year, month, day, and sometimes even hour to which we will all die.
Rather than make far-fetched interpretations based on minute and irrelevant quotes, passages, etc., why not pay attention to what’s really deteriorating life on earth, us humans. Still, more end of the worlds are predicted. However, according to Einstein, revered thinker, physicist and lets face it, all around adorable Jew, "If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man." Studies in the U.S. and Europe have shown an 80% decrease in bee colonies over the past few years, and even more alarming, scientists are at a loss as to why. Potential theories include a.) The notion that toxins and chemicals found in genetically modified plants are weakening the immune systems of bees and therefore they are becoming more susceptible to parasites and dying off and b.) Radiation from cellular phones is interfering with the navigation system of bees, thus disabling them to return to their hives. Thus, could this be the one legitimate prediction? Does this actually set a ticking clock on our lives? Past experiences prove otherwise, and while man will constantly strive to see the future before it occurs, there will always be that unpredictability factor. In the charismatic words of Peanuts comic strip creator Charles Schultz, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”
By Nicolette Damianou and Claire Bagnall
The end is nigh, apparently. It’s not just a new Armageddon themed film which you need to be worried about; the world, we are told, will end on 21st or 23rd December 2012 – so best save your Christmas shopping until the very last minute that year. The Mayan Long Count Calendar comes to an end then according to some readings - combine this with numbers, aliens, stars, rocks, myths, and this does, of course, result in either geomagnetic reversal, black hole alignment, or the Earth crashing into an alien planet, and cue the end of mankind – sigh.
In retrospect, I should be thanking Hollywood for all the hype “2012,” has caused; for a minute there, I forgot how gullible and ignorant society can be. So thank you, Hollywood, because apparently, now not only do we have to worry about unemployment, national debt, health care reform, climate change, disease, poverty, terrorism and war, but we also have to worry about the end of the world and humanity as we know it. Again.
Hollywood has taken the liberty to interpret the end of the Mayan Calendar as the Armageddon. According to USA Today, executive director of the Foundation for the Advancement of Mesoamerican Studies, Sandra Noble, stated, “For the ancient Maya, it was a huge celebration to make it to the end of a whole cycle…To render Dec. 21, 2012, as a doomsday or moment of cosmic shifting, she says, is a complete fabrication and a chance for a lot of people to cash in."
Be it through science or religion, the end of the world has been predicted since at least 2800 B.C, when the Assyrians feared the effects of corruption. Popes warned of Armageddon, and Botticelli painted it. There have been threats of floods, planets aligning and God coming to earth. Occasionally, the world has been severely shaken; if you were unlucky enough to live in London in 1666 – the year of the devil – then you would be forgiven for thinking that the Great Plague and the Great Fire were the beginning of some awful apocalypse. But are we really that gullible in modern society? Apparently.
If you’ve already stocked up several times on canned foods, jugs of water, built multiple earthquake-atomic bomb- and tornado proof forts, quit your job to “follow your dream,” had affairs and gone bungee jumping all in the time span of a week, hold your horses in the coming year - the 2012 doomsday is not the first apocalypse prediction, nor a very original one. Here are just a few - call them the “Top 5 Failed Apocalyptic Predictions:”
5. John Wesley – A brother of one of the founders of the Methodist Church, John Wesley, predicted that the end of the world would come in 1836, when the Great Beast would arrive on earth. Exactly what this Great Beast consisted of, no one knew. Needless to say, it never came.
4. The Great Disappointment – Based on the prophecies in the Book of Daniel, a Baptist minister named William Miller predicted the return of Jesus and the cleansing of the earth (thereby meaning the end of the world) sometime between March 21 1843-1844. Shockingly enough, the days arrived and passed, and humanity as was known still existed. The apocalyptic date was then later changed to October 22, 1844. When the world survived that date, Miller then corrected himself, explaining the apocalyptic date referred to an event in heaven, rather than earth. Wow.
3. 1910 Halley’s Comet – Noted as the first prediction with scientific backing, it was believed the May 18, 1910 passing of Halley’s comet was a threat to civilization because of its tail of poisonous gas.
2. Planetary Conjunction – Ironically and surprisingly, the “Planetary Conjunction” prediction came from respected meteorologist Albert Porta. According to Porta, on December 17, 1919, a “conjunction of six planets would cause a magnetic current that would pierce the sun, cause great explosions of flaming gas and eventually engulf the Earth.” Aside from this causing massive amount of mob violence and cases of suicide, Porta lost his job and any respect he had.
1. Y2K bug – The world as we knew it would end. Computers, due to programming, were incapable of understanding the year “00”. As a consequence all computers around the world would implode and systems ruled by them would collapse. We were told that, with warning systems down, a nuclear war could be started, or that dairy farm milking machines could malfunction. Either way, the results would be disastrous. Of course, midnight came and went, and life went on.
On a positive note, the predictions have become more specific, counting down to the year, month, day, and sometimes even hour to which we will all die.
Rather than make far-fetched interpretations based on minute and irrelevant quotes, passages, etc., why not pay attention to what’s really deteriorating life on earth, us humans. Still, more end of the worlds are predicted. However, according to Einstein, revered thinker, physicist and lets face it, all around adorable Jew, "If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man." Studies in the U.S. and Europe have shown an 80% decrease in bee colonies over the past few years, and even more alarming, scientists are at a loss as to why. Potential theories include a.) The notion that toxins and chemicals found in genetically modified plants are weakening the immune systems of bees and therefore they are becoming more susceptible to parasites and dying off and b.) Radiation from cellular phones is interfering with the navigation system of bees, thus disabling them to return to their hives. Thus, could this be the one legitimate prediction? Does this actually set a ticking clock on our lives? Past experiences prove otherwise, and while man will constantly strive to see the future before it occurs, there will always be that unpredictability factor. In the charismatic words of Peanuts comic strip creator Charles Schultz, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”