Christmas Films for Almost Anyone
It’s that time of year again. Whether you’re heading home to a family-filled festive fiesta or sticking it out in St Andrews to slog away at a dissertation nothing says Noel like the festive film. Here are some which have the power to save any Christmas Day.
For the little Brat: Home Alone (1990):
It’s tough going home for Christmas to a little one who gets bored of his or her new presents after half an hour. It can remind us students that the years in which we will receive money in an envelope from anyone but social services are rapidly depleting. Bitterness, however, should be reserved for call centre employees and public transport workers. Tolerate the little innocent, and before angrily snapping “Santa isn’t real” pop Home Alone in the DVD player. After all, what child wouldn’t dream of going on a shopping spree with their parents’ credit card, rigging their home with traps and then flame-grilling, scalping, crippling and maiming a pair of naughty crooks armed with little more than a tarantula, some cardboard cutouts and a blowtorch?
For the Outsider: Edward Scissorhands (1990):
If you have a lurking socially inept teenager with the pallor of a corpse and piercings you could hang a shower curtain from generally making the place look suicidal, this is a good film to have. Watch them pretend not to care at the beginning, observe with wonder their long-absent smile at the antics of a man with blades for digits attempting to navigate a water bed, and then try not to look at their anguished expression and quivering bottom lip as outsider Edward is persecuted and forced into exile.
For the Delinquent – Bad Santa (2003):
The drunken uncle who got in a controversial argument with your dad about family politics, the guilty mum who got a bit spiffed on Harvey’s Bristol Cream and is trying to stuff the turkey whilst tanning aspirin, the best friend who crashed on your sofa and woke up to the Queen’s speech wearing only a pair of reindeer ears and a baggy t-shirt - this film is for you. Just about any regret, misdemeanour or indiscretion can swiftly be annihilated by the antics of an intoxicated and belligerent shoplifting Santa. Fact.
For the Miser: A Christmas Carol (1951):
Whether it’s the boss who declared immunity from buying rounds on the work night out, the boyfriend/girlfriend who decided on ‘making’ presents after you killed yourself to buy them a video game/diamond ring/shark with laser beams fitted to its head or the grandmother who gives you a check for 50p that bounces, sit them down in front of the most reassuring films about redemption and Christmas spirit ever made. If Alastair Sim’s performance as Scrooge can’t mend their ways, it’s an assured lost cause.
For the Egomaniac: Die Hard (1980)
For any unrelentingly smug party guest with a god-complex, expose them to the humbling antics of asbestos-skinned hero John McClane. The man can eliminate a barrage of Eurotrash-goateed terrorists with little more than a pack of cigarettes, some jolly Christmas packing tape and lacerated feet, all whilst getting his relationship back on track and acting as psychotherapist to the Chief of Police via walkie-talkie. Admittedly the Christmas link is somewhat tenuous, but the credits roll to ‘Let it snow’ and the best line of the movie is ‘Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho.’ Which is a good enough excuse.
For Anyone: It’s A Wonderful Life (1947):
Not everyone is all bad, all of the time, and that’s why if you can’t bring yourself to use the above classifications on your loved ones at Christmas maybe just stick with a classic. It’s A Wonderful Life will cheer the most hardened cynic and delight any well-deserving saints. George Bailey is on the brink of committing suicide when an angel named Clarence appears and shows him what his town would be like without him there. There really isn’t a better Christmas film. Get everyone together and watch it from start to finish, and there won’t be a dry eye in the house.
By Kirsty Leckie-Palmer
It’s that time of year again. Whether you’re heading home to a family-filled festive fiesta or sticking it out in St Andrews to slog away at a dissertation nothing says Noel like the festive film. Here are some which have the power to save any Christmas Day.
For the little Brat: Home Alone (1990):
It’s tough going home for Christmas to a little one who gets bored of his or her new presents after half an hour. It can remind us students that the years in which we will receive money in an envelope from anyone but social services are rapidly depleting. Bitterness, however, should be reserved for call centre employees and public transport workers. Tolerate the little innocent, and before angrily snapping “Santa isn’t real” pop Home Alone in the DVD player. After all, what child wouldn’t dream of going on a shopping spree with their parents’ credit card, rigging their home with traps and then flame-grilling, scalping, crippling and maiming a pair of naughty crooks armed with little more than a tarantula, some cardboard cutouts and a blowtorch?
For the Outsider: Edward Scissorhands (1990):
If you have a lurking socially inept teenager with the pallor of a corpse and piercings you could hang a shower curtain from generally making the place look suicidal, this is a good film to have. Watch them pretend not to care at the beginning, observe with wonder their long-absent smile at the antics of a man with blades for digits attempting to navigate a water bed, and then try not to look at their anguished expression and quivering bottom lip as outsider Edward is persecuted and forced into exile.
For the Delinquent – Bad Santa (2003):
The drunken uncle who got in a controversial argument with your dad about family politics, the guilty mum who got a bit spiffed on Harvey’s Bristol Cream and is trying to stuff the turkey whilst tanning aspirin, the best friend who crashed on your sofa and woke up to the Queen’s speech wearing only a pair of reindeer ears and a baggy t-shirt - this film is for you. Just about any regret, misdemeanour or indiscretion can swiftly be annihilated by the antics of an intoxicated and belligerent shoplifting Santa. Fact.
For the Miser: A Christmas Carol (1951):
Whether it’s the boss who declared immunity from buying rounds on the work night out, the boyfriend/girlfriend who decided on ‘making’ presents after you killed yourself to buy them a video game/diamond ring/shark with laser beams fitted to its head or the grandmother who gives you a check for 50p that bounces, sit them down in front of the most reassuring films about redemption and Christmas spirit ever made. If Alastair Sim’s performance as Scrooge can’t mend their ways, it’s an assured lost cause.
For the Egomaniac: Die Hard (1980)
For any unrelentingly smug party guest with a god-complex, expose them to the humbling antics of asbestos-skinned hero John McClane. The man can eliminate a barrage of Eurotrash-goateed terrorists with little more than a pack of cigarettes, some jolly Christmas packing tape and lacerated feet, all whilst getting his relationship back on track and acting as psychotherapist to the Chief of Police via walkie-talkie. Admittedly the Christmas link is somewhat tenuous, but the credits roll to ‘Let it snow’ and the best line of the movie is ‘Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho.’ Which is a good enough excuse.
For Anyone: It’s A Wonderful Life (1947):
Not everyone is all bad, all of the time, and that’s why if you can’t bring yourself to use the above classifications on your loved ones at Christmas maybe just stick with a classic. It’s A Wonderful Life will cheer the most hardened cynic and delight any well-deserving saints. George Bailey is on the brink of committing suicide when an angel named Clarence appears and shows him what his town would be like without him there. There really isn’t a better Christmas film. Get everyone together and watch it from start to finish, and there won’t be a dry eye in the house.
By Kirsty Leckie-Palmer